By: Lord Randall

WORMWITCH has been at it awhile, and now returns for the all-important third album. Reviews have been kind to the Vancouver quartet thus far, so all that remains is the question

“Will the band survive the Torture Chamber?”

After the intro of ‘Lunar Maniac’ wanders about aimlessly for 1:00 (as most intros are wont to do), the laughably-titled ‘Canadian Denim Mountain Attack’, which manages in one clumsy, fell swoop to poorly appropriate both DARKTHRONE’s ‘Canadian Metal’ and ‘Hiking Metal Punks’, both of which leave dung on WORMWITCH’s suburbanite doorstep. And if you thought the song was any better, it’s passe BLACK DAHLIA MURDER-type dreck, about as threatening as your friend’s annoying-ass toddlers. Not dangerous, just bothersome and insistent about it. The trifecta is completed with the complete and blatant theft (because that’s what it is) of a few lines of AC/DC’s most memorable lyrics, despite changing a word in each. There’s not a fine line between tribute and theft, boys, and you’re on the wrong side of it.

The first minute of ‘Wolves Of Ossory’ had potential, but squandered it quickly, leading into ‘Hanmer Of The Underworld’, which a-fucking-gain lost whatever it had going for it at just over the minute mark. Interest tries to revive itself, but too little too late, and there are at least 666 bands doing it better, so… ‘Abracadabra’ moves along snappily, and is the most listenable track to be found, but based on “Wolf Hex” as a whole, sadly, it doesn’t say much.

While I absolutely love acoustic folk of many sorts, ‘Grail’ just marinates in its own stew, never really becoming more than filler for this just shy of half-hour album. Oh, and there’s a METALLICA cover at the end. But it sounds more like ‘TALLICA to me, and so, we have our answer.

WORMWITCH passed out as soon as the doors to the infamous Torture Chamber were opened, and thus, were summarily dispatched.