HORNS AND HOOVES "I Am The Skel Messiah"

By Dr. Abner Mality

For about 10 minutes, I thought this might just be crazy enough to work, but then the shine wore off in a hurry and by the end of the record, I thought most of this sounded just plain stupid. These guys apparently try to pass themselves off as drug-addled Satanists, yada yada yada. When your singer sounds like an 8 year old girl who banged her knee on a light pole, you're not scary. Even a little bit.

The band SHITFUCKER has been doing this same general style for a lot longer and a lot better. It's very sloppy, almost improvised extreme metal that often sounds made up on the spot. The first two tracks have some interest...they're still pretty loose, but some strong riffs lay buried in "Gape My Blackened Hearts" and "Baphomet in Steel". It's like a cross between super-fast punk, crude black metal and just bestial malevolence. From there, though, it's all down hill. "Blasphemic Gooning" sounds utterly improvised and what's worse, it's boring. There's a mixture of short and long songs...the short ones are not as dull, but not really all that great. And those stupid little girl vocals! Come on, man!

In some circles, this is already getting a lot of praise. Take it from me and get the new VOIMATON instead. That grinds this into dust.