TEMPLE BALLS
TEMPLE BALLS "Avalanche"
By Dr. Abner Mality
TEMPLE BALLS has got to be one of the goofiest band names to come down the pike in a while. Is it some sort of GREEN JELLO or GWAR type joke band? Nope, these guys are from the forests of Finland and play a super peppy mix of 80's hard rock and hair metal. And they take it dead serious.
When I was a young intern, this kind of music used to be "the enemy" but I've mellowed with age...well, probably not, but I can appreciate this kind of commercial metal more than I used to. TEMPLE BALLS really nail the sound of commercial 80's metal. The tunes are delightfully cliched and full of energy....song titles like "All Night Long", "Stand Up And Fight" and "Lonely Stranger" indicate they’re not out to innovate. But what the BALLS lack in originality, they make up for with infectious pep and a real understanding of what made this stuff work in its heyday. The band can be compared to the likes of DEF LEPPARD, BON JOVI, SKID ROw, the harder EUROPE and the lighter PRIEST. Singer Arde Teronen is a kind of cross between Joe Elliott and JBJ and has zero trace of an accent. The album is bright and shiny like a new Christmas ornament, with few rough edges of any kind.
In spite of that, cuts like "All Night Long", "Trap" and "Strike of the Cobra" just plain rock. The choruses are huge and seemingly sung by a legion. The album is thankfully ballad free, but tunes like "Lonely Stranger" and "No Reason" lean more towards melodic hard rock than metal. Blues creeps into "Dead Weight" and "Stone Cold Bones" but the closing title cut is by far the most metallic, with some great screaming solos.
By the time "Avalanche" finished rolling, I had had about enough of TEMPLE BALLS, but I can't deny this is a fun album even if you're not the biggest pop metal fan.