"Full Blast Fuckery"

By Lord Randall

When Tesco Vee of the legendary MEATMEN is willing to piss out a blurb on your press release, you can rest assured if the music doesn’t back up his words, everyone and his grandmother will call you on your bullshit. With Full Blast Fuckery, Wilson’s first recorded visit to the spooge-covered bathhouse we call the rock/hard rock/metal music scene, shit better get real fast and stay there. In other words, the rock better “be broughten”. Tesco…you had to be fuckin’ with us…

’My Life, My Grave’ kicks up dust from jump, SKID ROW’s Subhuman Race smelling the swamp ass of the first two DANGEROUS TOYS albums, some faux-Anselmo grunts thrown in for hilarity’s sake (I hope!), leading into what might be the same song masquerading as ‘Better Off (Strictly Doods)’. As much as I love this style of sleaze, I’m pretty sure these two songs are practically interchangeable. Playing dirty rock is no excuse to copy yourself, unless you’re AC/DC, who get a pass because they’re senile as fuck and don’t give a shit. Ah, now here’s a bit of hope. As my erection returns…nope, ‘Passing On The Left’ blows like your grandma as well. This would be passable were these songs not shat out so indiscriminately, like an elephant with a monster case of the runs. Boyos, the songs have to at least be good, and if not good, memorable. I’m not exactly sure what these toolbags were trying to do with ‘Viking Pussies Fuck Off’, but what they didn’t do is succeed.

Look, maybe I’m old. Nah, I’m old, maybe I just don’t “get it”. Maybe I’m not “cool” enough, but I remember when BANG TANGO, DOGS D’AMOUR and SKID ROW brought the sleaze and did it right. It’s being done right these days by bands like WILDHEARTS and CRANK COUNTY DAREDEVILS. This is just a study in musical erectile dysfunction, reminding me of another band from the era WILSON wish to recall…NELSON.

Now, where’s my copy of ENUFF Z’NUFF’s first album? Hell, I’d take WINGER at this point…