"Two Hands"
By Theron Moore

Turbowolf’s “Two Hands” is flat out, bad music.  Half the record sounds like a shoddy take on 80’s glam metal as if L.A. Guns had a baby with Bang Tango and the other half presenting itself as subpar power pop and second rate alternative music.  Throughout the record the lead singer sounds like he’s trying too hard to be Gun’s Phil Lewis who, in his own right, is great at what he does.  This guy, the Turbowolf singer?  No.  In fact, a resounding NO.  Listen to track two, “Rabbits Foot” and tell me I’m wrong.

And if that weren’t bad enough every few songs the band’s sound changes.  By track five “Toy Memaha” it moves into power pop.  Yeah, you heard that right, power pop and not even good power pop.  Track 7, “Good Hand,” we see Turbowolf entering Sons of Hercules territory with just a dash of The Chainsaw Kittens thrown in.  And this is one of the better songs off this mutt of a record.  Hey, wait, what happened to that bad 80’s sound I mentioned?  Don’t worry, “Good Hand” has that too.

Track 8 “MK Ultra” brings us full on into the world of the Smashing Pumpkins.  I’m sure that makes Billy Corgan happy especially since the Turbowolf’s singer now sounds like him here.  Hey, he’s got a fan club, right?  Always looking on the bright side I am.

The best, most positive thing I can say here is that it’s outdated alternative music, the kind of thing you’d expect to hear back in the mid 90’s with a major multiple personality disorder tossed in for good measure.  Other than I cannot under any circumstance recommend this record, not even if I was drunk and ready to spend money downloading music from iTunes at 2AM.  Avoid.