"White Summer*Black Winter"

Hooky Riffage!

by Solomon G

There's no way you're going to school today, 'cause your mom already left for work and you've got probably about five bong rips left, half a bottle of schnapps stashed in your gym shorts and the new Serpent Throne release, dude. Also, there's no way this album should be played at anything but maximum volume, so figure out what is the level of acceptance for your neighbors and house-pets, and crank it one shade past there. It's cool.

Serpent Throne is rad because they don't even need a singer to clog up the works with all kinds of stupid shit about dragons and, uh, spaceships or some shit - though I swear, when I was listening to this album I totally got this idea for a movie or a video or something: there's this guy who, while searching for something in the desert, loses his way and is followed by a giant buzzard that circles overhead...ever overhead...(shudders)...

What were we talking about? Oh, yeah! So Serpent Throne doesn't have a singer, 'cause if they did, there'd be, like, probably 30% less cool riffage, and nobody wants that - especially when said cool riffage is so Wishbone Ash by way of early Priest meets Tony Iommi and Martin Barre in a time-tunnel that's stuck on 1969 to 1979, which would be rad, when you think about it! Seriously: no other band does this shit with such conviction and authenticity - even in Sweden, dude! Fuck yeah!

If you're lucky, someday you'll be able to master the kind of riffage on this album, because these guys obviously know their hard/heavy '70s shit - which they totally have down pat and which totally fuckin' rules! - but not if you don't dust off that Epiphone SG copy you got for your combined Xmas/birfday present you got last year once in a while, loser! Seriously, maybe after another rip...

[*Editors Note: neither Solomon G or the publishers or Wormwood Chronicles advocates truancy, drug and alcohol usage, the '70s or circling buzzards. We do, however, advocate Serpent Throne - 'cause Serpent Throne rules! Fuck yeah!]