"Babez For Breakfast"

By Dr. Abner Mality

I don't mind cheese now and then, but I don't like to eat it exclusively. After listening to Lordi's latest, it feels like somebody took a ten pound wheel of Edam and stuffed it down my throat with a plunger. C'mon, I love monsters and oldschool rock as much as anybody, but these guys wouldn't scare a five year old and their brand of "heavy metal" has about as much grit and fire as Air Supply. The Groovie Ghoulies were more dangerous!

I understand they are not out to eat brains and worship the devil, but this band really seems aimed at or over-40's trying to relive their childhood. The last Lordi album I heard before "Babez for Breakfast" had just enough roughness to be palatable. Here, the rough edges have been smoothed to the consistency of a bowling ball. For example, "Rock Police" sounds almost like Loverboy with those sickening sweet keys and bouncy feel. Even that is almost Motorheadish compared to the abysmal "I'm Bigger Than You"...truly cringeable pop-metal!... and "Call Off The Wedding". There are some tunes I do like, such as the title track, which falls into the dumb-but-rocking category and the guilty pleasure "Midnight Lover". What little rock n' roll grit Lordi has left comes from Mr. Lordi's gravelly vocals.

Yeah, I like monsters but not silly ones. Even Kiss and Alice Cooper fans would have a hard time swallowing this. And it doesn't matter if it's breakfast, lunch or dinner.