"Death Hawks"

By Dr. Abner Mality

Can the flood of 60's/70's retro acts stop now, God? Please...PLEASE? Because I've reached my limit on the stench of patchouli and bell bottoms long ago. With the debut of Death Hawks, I've blown past that barrier like Chuck Yeager zipping past the speed of sound.

Seriously, enough is enough. It's bad enough when the retro-phonies pretend to boogie and get down in a hard rock way, but when it turns into this sort of limp-wristed hippie-psych, it's immeasurably worse. If this folky acoustic meandering complete with whistling and jangling bells is your thing, you might as well just crawl inside a giant bong and breathe deeply. I can't take it. I need more rock than this. So do you. This fringed vest and headband worship would make the chick I used to hang out with 20 years ago run through the moonlit meadows at night, but I just pull the covers back over my head and try to block my ears. Of course, there's a dark occult aspect to Death Hawks...or so they would like you to think. One of the guys comes from retro-rockers Seremonia, another band that makes my teeth gnash.

Enough! Naming a band that plays music like this "Death Hawks" is about the same as changing One Direction's name to something like Bloodhammer. Not everything coming from Finland is worthy of worship. Avoid!