SPOUTING OFF "I Scream At Ice Cream"

By Dark Star

So, you like ice cream? Who doesn't, really? Cold and creamy, the stuff is full of childhood memories and is just good clean fun. I mean, "I scream for ice cream", how can you beat that? Of course, some places serve it up better than others. And some are so freaking over-rated, it's outrageous. We've got at least two of those in the area. Both are overpriced and have their own gimmicks for how they sell mediocre ice cream at prices that will leave your wallet screaming for mercy.

The first place is over on Perryville and it's a yuppie dump they call by a name that reminds me of a wrestler named Austin for some reason. The leg lock they'll put on your wallet will have you seeing stars and thinking of Stone Cold Steve Austin, too. So here's their deal. They sell lots of ice cream. Yep, they've got a ton of flavors. You pick your flavor or flavors and then you pick some add-ins.  They take it all over to this little countertop thing and mix it all in with little things that look like putty trowels.  They work it around together, supposedly "creaming" it. Sounds good, right? It's not bad.  The problem is, the ice cream is no better quality than what you can buy in the local grocery store if you get their store brand. In other words, it's really nothing special...gimmick or no. And here's the real kicker. If there's two of you, you better not walk in with less than a twenty dollar bill. You might get change back from that twenty but I can just about guarantee if you have only a ten, you'll be sent home packing. What a freaking ripoff.

So, the other ice cream scam artist joint I'd like to address today is in good old Rockton, Illinois. It sits inside a little brick house building kind of like a dairy. This joint is priced just about the same as the other one. So be prepared to spend some big bucks if you walk in. It's a tiny little place and the sheep keep coming in, so get ready to stand in line. So what's your hard earned money and time in line buy you? Nothing special, really. Sure, they say their ice cream is homemade but really it's not that good. Again, you could get ice cream of equal quality by walking into your local grocery store and purchasing the store brand by the quart or half gallon...and spend less money than you would if you buy one tiny little sundae or cone at this rip off joint.

So, what's my recommendation? If you've got too much money, give some to me and then go get the rest stolen by these frozen treat con artists. If you want ice cream of equal quality for far less money, though, just get in line at the drive-thru at McDonald's. For less than a buck, they'll give you a big cone and you'll have the rest of your cash for your pocket. Your wallet will thank you.