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A TERRIBLE TRIO


A TERRIBLE TRIO

Film reviews by Jens Hellroute


It's been a while since our Insane Dane, Jens Hellroute, has cut loose with some reviews of grindhouse classics. Well, praise God and pass the popcorn, because here he is with his take on 3 utterly bizarre and revolting cinematic oddities. Enjoy!

Sweet Movie (1974. Dusan Makavejev)

Been reading about this notorious arthouse cult flick for decades. Thank God Criterion finally released it,
uncut with interviews and a neat booklet. I've seen the Yugoslavian provocateur/director's "WR: Mysteries of the Organism" (1971), a wacky pseudo mondo film on politics and sex."Sweet Movie" covers similar topics but in a much more outrageous way. Imagine "Salo" directed by John Waters with a script by Fernando Arrabal, and you're not even halfway there. Makes Jodorowsky look like fuckin' Ron Howard! The movie also features John Vernon's golden penis... he is one brave actor, haha. Truly bizarre surreal stuff. The last half of the film is very improvised, which is both a blessing and a curse, since it sorta gets out of hand with the puking, pissing, feces, semi-pedophilia, infantilism, and whatnot. Stiill, it's a must for fans of how far Euro cinema went in attacking taboos and 'good taste' in the 70s. Banned in England and other countries for decades. Do not, repeat, DO NOT see "Sweet Movie" if you have a heart condition! (Mort Poisson is still trying to recover from his encounter with this movie...the Good Doctor hasn't worked up nerve to see it yet---Meek Mality)


If Footmen Tire You, What Will Horses Do? (1971. Ron Ormond)

WOW! I've never seen anything remotely outrageous and ignorant as this - OTT bloodsplattered Christian fundamentalist anti-commie full-frontal (lobotomy) insanity! Incredibly sick, moronic, disturbing, and utimately hilarious religious dementia. Gory pseudo-mondo scenes of invading murderous Cuban troops are cut into a deranged sermon by a dude called Reverend Estus W. Pirkle (he's also involved in Ormond's "The Burning Hell"). The usual Ed Wood-meets-H.G. Lewis comparison doesn't cut it, forget about "Red Nightmare" or "Invasion USA" - THIS FREAKISH MUTANT OF A FILM IS IN A LEAGUE OF IT'S OWN! About 3/4 into the 53 mins movie a boy refuses to step on a painting of Jesus, even though the evil Cuban commie just killed his parents, "He died on the cross for my sins" the little critter says. The Cuban soldier's face turns into a crazed grin, and he chops off the boy's head with a meat cleaver! The most entertaining film I've seen this year so far, along with "Taxidermia"! Director Ron Ormond previously made horror/sexploitation like "Untamed Mistress", "The Monster And The Stripper" and "Exotic Ones" before escaping a certain death in a plane crash. That led him to become a born again Christian, still making psychotic movies but this time for the Lord! God Bless America!!


Pervert! (2005. Jonathan Yudis)

Didn't knew what to expect of this obvious Russ Meyer sexploitation tribute. Modern flicks nearly always fail
when they want to emulate previous decades' slashers, filmnoir, westerns, bikerfilms etc. The goofy "Pervert!" features many large chested nympho babes who frequently disrobe lead by porn model and ex-gubernatorial candidate Mary Carey (who sadly lost to Arnold Schwarzenegger), a strange 'serialkiller', religious/occult mumbo jumbo, pork art, lesbian nurses, graphic bloodshed and a groovy garagerock soundtrack. I wasn't disappointed with "Pervert!", HELL NO! It's pretty immature and tongue-in-cheek (boob?) but not in an annoying Troma way (the dialogue is pretty funny), the acting is decent and the editing is brilliant. The gore and 'creature' FX are very lowbudget but it still work nicely. Yeah, two boobs...sorry, two thumbs up from this pervert! Russ Meyer would've been proud! The DVD is packed with extras.