Kosmic Horror - Give! Sympathize! Control!

Intelligence Report by operative "Dark Starr"

Kosmic Horror is a band and also a covert operation of the High Command of the Imperial Klingon Empire. I can tell you as one with a good deal of security clearance that the council has kept this one under wraps – this was the first I had heard of the project. It is another proof of the superiority of our Klingon race and shows just what lengths of forms of ingenuity we are using to make certain that we will be the master of the Earthers. For those you who are Terrans it is just plain good music, but you should also listen carefully because you need to get accustomed to those of us who will be your rulers - learn our culture. I got to ask questions of Kumpe (the Terran by birth, Klingon by heart and spirit) who is part of this operation and he shed a lot of light on the situation – although there were some things that were too classified for him to delved into deeply. It was good to get the chance to speak with another whose heart is Klingon, and you can all now read and learn. Long live the Empire – qapla’!

WORMWOOD CHRONICLES: There appears to be a bit of confusion here. While this music is definitely tlhIngan (for those reading who don't speak Klingon that means "Klingon." - ed) the credits seem to indicate that Terrans recorded this. Please enlighten me.

KUMPE: We can only elaborate very little on this subject, since most of the connected activities remain confidential due to High Council´s orders. This is a trans-temporal invasion by viral (memetic) means. What does this mean? It is damned hard to send something physical way back through time. With information it is different. Some secret warfare command of the Empire took advantage of the 23rd. century captive Zarkov, and made his mind talk to me, that´s Kumpe, here on Earth. So we reconstruct the music here, as good as it gets, considering the limitations of the Earther´s bodies. The original sound snips are transferred in a very painful and difficult semi-biotic process, that we are not allowed to describe, according to earthly law.

WC: I noticed from one of the clips that is included on the CD that Zarkov (the terran who brought these recordings back to Earth) does not believe that rock music originated with Klingons. Where do you stand on this issue?

K: Zarkov is a weakling, even by Terran standards. He lacks self discipline, honesty and control. But he is, as we can hear, a useful tool in the hands of his tlhIngan masters, confusing Earther´s secret service all through the centuries. Of course ghoq (Klingon for rock music - ed) is tlhIngan to the core!

WC: Are you Terran or Klingon?

K: boch ghIchraj! (translates to Your nose is shiny – answering with an insult of course proves that his heart is Klingon, but a full-blooded warrior may have said something more scathing yet...Dr. Mality)

WC: What do you feel tlhIngan music has to offer to Earthers?

K: Honesty and thus empowerment, the same way a slave is empowered by the control of his master. The Earthers will feel stronger and be grateful at last, to have encountered the Klinzhai. All you ever wanted from Rock, and spoiled yourself, will be given back to you in its´ original thlIngan splendour.

WC: How would you describe your stage show? Do you manage to bring a taste of QonoS' to the audience? I'm guessing Terran laws prevent really making them feel "at home", but I would hope that you try to at least bring some tlhIngan atmosphere to the proceedings.

K: We spilled some blood at the Karneval der Kulturen, during a little batleth rehearsal. The terran surgeons were impressed, that was all that seemed appropriate at that time.

WC: Do you prefer tlhIngan food or the burnt Terran slop?

K: nuq Daq yuch Dapol?! (translation – where do you keep the chocolate? – I believe, though, that something as powerful as chocolate must have been of Klingon origin – you think those cave paintings you see about were of people OTHER than Klingons? - Mality)

WC: Are there any Earther artists out there who you feel have a sound that was derived from tlhIngan music?

K: Ha! some Krautrockers definetely got the signal in the early seventies. check out Tangerine Dream´s "Atem" and Amon Düül 2´s "Yeti". Then of course, you might have guessed it, our agent known to you under the name of "Lemmy" took over the terran space rock unit Hawkwind, long ago.

WC: Were there more recordings brought back so that you can bring us more tlhIngan music?

K: Yes, in due time.

WC: Is there any Earther music that you enjoy listening to? If so, what ones have caught your attention recently?

K: Robert Plant´s "Mighty Rearranger". Impressive competence for an Earther on how to use music as a magic weapon.

WC: Do you know if there are plans for any other tlhIngan artists to be releasing material Earthside? Frankly, I can do without the opera, but I am really looking for more music of my homeworld.

K: There are already, "dergh" for example, most of them still under cover.

WC: Have you been to any Terran concerts recently?

K: Been some time...Porcupine Tree. I like their proggy-goes-ambient approach very much, yet on record they sound often too pale and British for my liking. So I was amazed, to see that they have a bass player, and a good one also!

WC: There is a humorous Earther movie called "Spinal Tap." Perhaps you've seen it. In any event, that movie focuses around a rock band who has everything go wrong both through Terran ineptitude and other things beyond their control. I don't know about you, but I find that Earthers have a definite gift for making fun of themselves - probably because there is such fertile ground for ridicule. Have you had any events that would fit nicely into a film like that?

K: "Karneval Der Kulturen", which is something in between the Love Parade and Mardi Grass in Berlin with 103 wagons and 500 000+ spectators. Groups from all cultures of this backward planet and us... when we passed the jury we cut off all the pink balloons and most of the TV broadcast wiring. I, being the front tlhIngan, didn´t notice, because I was shouting to the audience on the wrong side of the truck.

WC: What more would you like to say to the Earthers reading this?

K: Give! Sympathize ! Control!

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