GHOUL “Chaos In Creepsylvania! 

By Dr. Abner Mality

Let’s face it, things are tough in Creepsylvania even during the best of times. The impoverished little central European nation is the site of many unexplained events and unsolved murders. And of course it is also home to the hideous cannibal freaks known as Ghoul, who haunt the crypts and cemeteries of the backwards land. But Ghoul is something the Creepsylvanians know how to deal with.

This year, things have REALLY gone to hell in Creepsylvania. The maniacal dictator Commandant DeBrougham has killed Krieg the Biker King and seized control of the country. It is Creepsylvanian Spring! The situation is similar to what happened in Egypt, only 10 times worse, yet nobody seems to care because, after all, it is Creepsylvania!

This seething inferno of political unrest has inspired Ghoul to unleash a new album, “Dungeon Bastards”, where they not only thrash out like numbskulls but enter the political arena. Despite all the confusion over there, I managed to hook up with my old friend Mr. Digestor for this penetrating interview. We discuss the goings on in Creepsylvania, hot sauce, GWAR, and much more.

As always, keep your vomit bag near…

WORMWOOD CHRONICLES:  Greetings from Dr. Abner Mality. Hope I didn’t get you out of anything important like devouring a corpse…

DIGESTOR: I’m always devouring a corpse. Of course you fucking interrupted me!

WC: My apologies! I just caught your new album “Dungeon Bastards”.  It seems to involve a lot of political unrest over there in Creepsylvania! What exactly is going on there?

D: There’s always some wacky shit going on in Creepsylvania! Most recently, the Commandant DeBrougham who killed Krieg the Biker who had taken over Creepsylvania, took over everything and turned the country into a police state. He erected a giant wall around the capital city and put a huge statue of himself in the center of it that watches over everything constantly. He’s been driving out the undesirables. Luckily for us, he’s been driving them out into the cemetery, so we get to hunt down and kill some of those people. So that’s been good for us, but for the citizens of Creepsylvania, it’s been business as usual. It’s been pretty shitty for them.

WC: I was wondering what side you took in the conflict and it sounds like you’re on the side of the oppressor.

D: Well, it’s six of one and half a dozen of the other. We don’t really take sides on this thing. The Commandant seems like a shithead to us, but so do these disgusting villagers.

WC: You guys just want to left in peace down in your crypts. Do you think that will ever happen?

D: I have a feeling it won’t! (laughs evilly) I have to be honest with you.

WC: Almost in spite of yourselves, Ghoul is becoming more well-known with every release. How do you deal with the increased scrutiny and fame?

D: It’s a little difficult but nobody’s come looking for us here. We’re pretty safe here in Creepsylvania. We are definitely becoming a mainstream powerhouse in your Western culture. So far, so good. We’ve recruited a lot of people to do our bidding over in the United States and those that we can’t recruit, we just murder. So it’s been great for us. Plus, the royalties have been out of this world. We’re making so much money doing this band!

WC: Think you’ll ever be able to sell the Rotgut you brew from dead bodies over here?

D: Oh, sure! We’re putting everything on sale now. We sell hot sauce, we sell pants, we have so much merchandise, it’s insane. Yes, the Rotgut is certainly next on the line.

WC: That’s interesting, I do hot sauce myself! Maybe we can work out some kind of business deal?

D: Let’s trade recipes, it sounds delicious.

WC: Nothing will bring heat to a rotted corpse better than my ghost pepper sauce, Churchburner!

D: I’d like to try it! (Next few minutes are spent working out the nefarious deal

WC: How do you guys actually write your music? Is t a democratic process? Does one particular Ghoul take the lead? Or do you just steal it from the people you murder?

D:  I take some old Megadeth records, play them backwards and transcribe what  I hear. Then  I play it frontwards and then backwards again. And then we all write the lyrics together. Basically, the lyrics are just what’s going on in the town and Creepsylvania in general. It’s not too hard, we just have to pick up a newspaper once in a while. It’s mostly me, but Dissector will write some stuff once in a while. Cremator will occasionally get in on the act and write some music but basically it’s just plundering old thrash albums for riffs and turning them inside out.

WC: You fellas used to have quite a surf music influence. Is that something that’s going to rear its head again?

D: Oh yes, I’m sure it will. That’s something that will never go away with us. We love surf music. It’s actually the only type of Western music that’s legal to listen to in Creepsylvania so there’s a lot of surf albums at the record stores that we’ve stolen.

WC: A lot of people wearing swimming trunks and Hawaiian shirts there in Central Europe, I’m sure.

D: All of that stuff was really popular in the 60’s and when it went out of fashion, it just got shifted to all the Goodwill stores here in Creepsylvania.

WC: You guys just had a tour in the U.S. How did that go?

D: It was great. We went out with Carcass and Crowbar and Night Demon. It was a wonderful tour, the bands were all great. We are happy to report to the fans of those bands that we did not kill any of the members of those bands. They’re going to keep going on. But we cut a bloody swath across your country and it was great fun and we got in a lot of trouble.

WC: I’m glad you made it over here because the problems with visas are getting band for bands from Europe.

D:  It’s not so hard for us. We usually just stow away on a tramp steamer so we don’t have to bother with any paperwork or bureaucrats or anything like that. 

WC: The first time I saw you guys play a few years back just a few days before Halloween. It was in Milwaukee and you were opening for GWAR….

D: Oh yes!

WC: You got a great response. I always thought Ghoul would be the natural successors to GWAR. Is that what’s happening? It seems to be headed that way.

D: Well, I hope there’s room for both of us because we certainly don’t want GWAR to go anywhere. We love those guys. We’re also just terrified of them. I mean, just look at them!(laughter) They are homicidal space mutants with giant swords! They could clearly kick our asses! No, I don’t think we want to take their place. I think we want to stand side by side with them for sure.

WC: I was surprised by the amount of characters who shared the stage with you at that show.Even the Killbot got in on the action! Is he still gonna join you on stage?

D: I hope not because that fucker’s been interfering with our shit for years! He’s constantly smashing Cremator in the head with his giant claw. Cremator can’t remember how to count to 10 anymore because of that shit. (laughter). I hope not, but these characters have a strange way of coming back over and over, so I wouldn’t count it out.

WC: Well, in Ghoul, you just need to count 1, 2, 3. Anything over that isn’t too important.

D: That’s true. It’s a good point. Cremator doesn’t have much use for math, anyway.

WC: You guys have always had great cover art and “Dungeon Bastards” is a very good piece of art. It’s a very flattering likeness of you dudes. What can you tell me about it?

D: Well, it was drawn by Mark Richards, who is a great artist in your America. He lives in Massachusetts or some place. He runs a company called Heavyhand Illustration that has done a lot of stuff for great bands like Pig Destroyer. It’s basically a visual representation of the bullshit on the album. It’s all very surface level, there’s not much more to say.

WC: You guys almost looked like Mount Rushmore on the cover.

D: That’s the next move for us.  To replace the faces on Mount Rushmore with our faces.

WC: We can call it Mount Ghoulsmore!

D: Sounds good to me. Maybe we can work on it, we can spitball it back and forth and brainstorm on how to do it.

WC: Do you have any plans to do a Ghoul comic book? I think it would be a natural!

D: It’s something that comes up all the time but we haven’t done it yet. I’m sure it will happen in the next year or so. We have a little short one in the “Maniaxe” album that was drawn by Lucas Rogieri, another very talented artist. That was great. I think we’ll work on something like that pretty soon in that regard.

WC: What monster,killers and freaks inspired you in your youth? What horror icons inspired you as a little Ghoul?

D: Well, I liked the Elephant Man. I like his fashion sense myself (laughter). I don’t know if he’s a horror icon, but he has great fashion sense. I like that Jason Voorhees fellow, he seems nice. I have an interest in hanging out in the woods and watching teenagers. We don’t get a lot of horror movies in Creepsylvania. Most of the horror we see here is just real people, fucking politicians and bullshit like that.

WC: It’s getting to be that way over here, although I’m never sure if it’s a horror movie or a comedy.

D: A little bit of both, maybe.

WC:  Do you have any further tour plans for the year or are you done for now?

D: I think we might do some sort of West Coast thing at the end of the year. Portland, Seattle, San Francisco, maybe down to LA and Arizona. Next year, I think we are going to Europe in March…er, I mean we are STAYING in Europe in March (laughs). Outside of that, we don’t have any plans. We’re just going to hang out in the catacombs, wreak havoc and masturbate.

WC: That sounds like a plan. I’ve noticed that the Ghoul population seems to be exclusively male. Are there any female ghouls  or do you plan on getting any?

D: The only woman we know over here is Zorielda the Swamp Hag and she doesn’t even like hanging out with us that much. But look at us! Honestly! We don’t attract women, they are not interested in a bunch of bag-headed freaks who stink like rotten meat.

WC: I can sympathize with you there. If you could have dinner with any 3 people from history, who would they be?

D: Well, I would start with Vlad Tepes, Dracula, because he really knew how to throw a garden party. (laughter). He threw that little table out there in the field of impaled Turks, screaming and crying. That would be wonderful. The second one on the list would probably Ed Gein because that guy could really whip up some brain soufflé.  He was really good! (laughter) He was one of my faves. Last but not least, Julia Child, because she could cook. I don’t know if you know that but she was quite good!

WC: She certainly had a touch for chopping things up!

D: She certainly had a very interesting life and she could make some good conversation.

WC: I believe she was a spy in her spare time.

D: She was! And she was also a hunchback, which is good because I have a lot of friends who are hunchbacks. (laughter).

WC: I’m always looking for a good assistant myself but they’re kinda hard to find here in the cornfields of Illinois. What was the last release you picked up just because you wanted to hear the band?

D: That’s a good question, I have to think about that for a second. The last record I got was from a band called Nucleus.

WC: I spoke to them earlier in the year.

D: Yes, what is their album called? I got their EP called “Hegemony”.

WC:  They did come out with a full LP called “Sentient”. 

D: Yeah, they’re great. I love that “Hegemony” EP. Now I have to go to the library here in Creepsylvania and visit their Bandcamp page and download their new stuff. I hardly ever buy physical copies anymore.

WC: I’m kinda surprised you have the Net there in the catacombs of Creepsylvania.

D: I have to break into the public library and they only have a dial-up connection so it took me three weeks to download. (laughter)

WC: What was the last live show just because you wanted to check out the band?

D: I don’t get to see live shows except for when I’m on tour because there is no live music in  Creepsylvania, it is outlawed. On the last tour, our last show was at the Oakland Metro and we did a show with a band Captured By Robots. It’s a robot band…one human and two robots who play the music. Captured By Robots is one of the best bands I have seen in a long time. Also, Night Demon, who we toured with is incredible. A really good band.

WC: Have you Ghouls ever had a Spinal Tap incident where things went wrong?

D: (laughs) You ever seen one of our shows?  The first time Killbot came on stage, he fell right on his face, pretty much. At least he was easy to defeat that time! Not a very menacing or scary Killbot, though. That’s the incident that stands out. He just walked out and slumped to his knees. It gave new meaning to the song title “Rise, Killbot, Rise”. We were begging him to get up! (laughter)

WC: Well, you showed him who’s boss!

D: True! For once. 

WC: Do you have any projects outside of Ghoul that you’re involved with?

D: I’m making a lamp out of human skulls but other than that, no.

WC: It’s good to have hobbies.

D: You have to have hobbies. It keeps you sane!

WC: Any final words of warning or wisdom for the Ghoulunatics out there?

D: Yes. If you don’t buy our shit, we will come find you and  kill you. And if you do buy our shit, it will just make it easier for us to find your and kill you.